My first godpa’s mother passed away today at the age of eh I don’t know. But I suppose she’s in her late 70s. I am pretty numb to his family’s mourning, as I was invited by my mother to attend the wake. But I explained to her nicely why I didn’t want to attend; she complemented my honesty and said that I expressed myself very well. It is damn shit when you have to put on a façade in a situation that is only right that you join in the mourning. I’m bad at reacting upon tragedy. I remember the last 2 wakes I attended, I couldn’t lie and look sad either. I don’t feel a mutual connection with the idea that I could be of any support or comfort to the family members. My presence would only be insignificant, not like they expect anything or me to be there. But then again I also feel as if I should go because I know this lady, it’s nothing to do with me showing my respects or anything, she’s nice and I’ve spoken to her on a few occasions. In fact she’s known me my whole life! But I only remember the last few conversations we had at her place. Still, the whole thought of me being there half-hearted is bad enough that I decided to miss the wake.