major headache and ringing in my ears, tomorrow will see me re-take a medical test, now i'm left wondering what my subconscious mind is really yearning for. this morning i woke up from a freaking nightmare that kept me awake for an hour or so, in hope that by not drifting to sleep too soon, there will be a lesser chance i might continue the same dream, its happened too many times before, as a boy i'd retreat to my mom's bedroom, where i felt comfort and protection. i can't remember what this last dream was about, but at that point part of me wanted to reinstate myself in the dream to kill that mother fucker. today has got to be one of the worst days... i've been trying to record a 3 track mix since the afternoon, countless attempts, all of which i've miserably failed, i am so pissed with myself.

and here are my test results on colorgenics...



At this particular time you are perhaps setting yourself too high a target and so you are living in the land of 'make believe'. It would also seem that you have been bitterly disappointed in the past and you are at a stage where you feel that you can trust nobody. You would like to forget it all and turn your back on the past and start anew.
You are experiencing considerable difficulty trying to achieve your goals. As a consequence of this you are becoming more and more irritable. Your friends and acquaintances are finding it increasingly more difficult to appease or to reason with you. You are the cause of your own problems. Don't be so impulsive. It is your vacillation that can lead to problems and uncertainties. Ease up a little.
You are a demanding egocentric and therefore quick to take offense. This attitude makes people feel somewhat inadequate when in your company and so it is no wonder that at times you feel alone and unwanted.
You are experiencing more than your fair share of stress following an acute disappointment. This may be the result of subconscious conflict between hope and necessity. The tension that you are experiencing following your unfulfilled hopes have given rise to anxious uncertainty. You have no doubt that things could get better in the future and so you refuse to make the necessary essential decisions. This conflict between hope and necessity is creating considerable pressure. Instead of resolving this by facing up to making the essential decisions, you are likely to vacillate and concern yourself with trivialities of little consequence.
Disappointment and the fear that there is no point in formulating fresh goals have led to anxiety and you are distressed by the lack of any close and understanding relationships. You feel you are not appreciated by those who matter to you. You are attempting to escape into a world on which you can relax and feel at ease.

most of it is true, but i'm not setting a standard too high, i'm only trying to do what i was able to do.