screw everybody

ever had the feeling where you thought you were something until reality hits you hard in the face? an extreme example would be the people who auditioned for american idol and then got their asses kicked out the door on day 1 well i'm feeling that way now.... and i'm mostly pissed with myself, cos i know i could have done a lot better. always have my doubts about that gig at hide out not materialising, for instance, if they find somebody better, or cancel the night's event, that will be just sucky. another break would be hard to come, from now till june is a long time, establishing better PR with the fellas is what i got to do, but you can't force yourself in and sound naggy in a sense. i make me sound as if i have an ulterior motive with people that is half-evil. i've not had any real hope for a long time, other then the days in the army, where day to day hope such as i hope they don't have SOC RT today.

okay maybe i've exegerated a lot ... but at times i really feel that life is a downward spiral. my mother says i have a mellow-dramatic disorder.

anyways, the medical review went fine, i was out of the consultation room in 4 mins, all he did was read my doc's letter, then he said this case can definitely be referred to the medical board. now i just have to wait for their letter.