never had such a disorientating feeling about life in general, in a nightmarish kind of way. sometimes experiences reinvent friendships, sometimes also deludes its meaning. sometimes the fucking tightness in my chest wouldn't go away, i kept reminding myself that i was feeling good now cant bare to see what has happened. erghhh! being banned from zouk is the worst thought ever, especially after having a jug of tiger smashed on your mouth, dont wanna be restricted to a small bar at siglap or even liquid room. i feel sad i tell you. i'm glad i didnt meet my other friends, else shit coulda happen to em, which is unfair if they got into the mess, i myself got into the mess, and it wasn't my call. anyways i wanna kill them bastards, the ones who started all the mess in the first place. being in a lock up is no fun i tell you, u cant even ponder life but instead u ponder insanity, in a quiet cell, a toilet bowl to be shared, the same water ya drink from the same pipe you bathe from, not a single pillow to rest your head, but lie flat on the floor, drift deep into sleep unknowingly because your so tired, you don't realise any position would do. but i kinda like the food, cos the veggies were damn salty even if it meant a very small portion of meat. i pity my dear friend who to sit through 15 or so hours of lock up in solitude in a room, with no day no night, no clock. your handcuffed when you reach the hospital, and they only uncuff ya when they need to a blood check. but the bunch of fucks who started the fight are the bunch of fucks that know the club's management well, our only hopes are the CCTV, cos these guys will play their game, and the bouncers will cover up, i would think i am quite right about this one. one of the police officers left me alone in the room with a very scrawny ah pek with many ang kongs but he was pretty smacked out something. cant remember the shit he said he was on, so he was jailed for chemical abuse, he was quite non chalant about my opinion, oh yeah i know why. i told him drugs always kill you in the end. why was i communicating via sms when the person was only a feet away. oh in a cell, no handphone, no ciggs, no inhalers or paperbags even!!!! each dosage of your medcine has to be requested through the guard, i was quite suprised to find my stuff in a paper bag there after. at the holding room, i played arrogant in front of many unknown faces anxiously awaiting their relatives from lock up. but i was being arrogant to my mom, i feel bad now, but my aunt gave an anally retentive distraught look, is annoying, you just wanna slap but cannot. mom's lawyer friend tried to play smart, some people need to shut up in order to be loved. some people just need to dish out the best choons on the decks to get some!! my mind is mixed up, how come the only single conversation i had at my mom's place was with the maid. sometimes all the arty fartsy types intimidate me especially if they speaking too eloquently, or if they have a higher purpose in life. bloody hell.