give me a space mountain tablet, take me home my bodys aching so alone.

i dont know if its me sleeping too much or what, but i get up feeling lerthagic these 2 days, so lerthagic i wanna sit down some place and nua. at this point of time, this saturday morning. i'm feeling confused about many things, i constant question what i have to offer the world that is of any use. so many questions in my head left unanswered, but only me myself have the answers, i wish i knew better. perhaps it was the quarrel with mom i just had, that has led me reflecting negatively about stuff. i think its paranoia or just plain pessimism on my part, but i can't seem to find a solution to the shit except for get it off my chest. i feel emotionally aware but at the same time confused. if only i could step outside myself and analyze myself and find solutions to uncertainties, i've tried it's not working. how do i psyche myself to look from the outside lookin in?

my anger is short lived, but contentment has a shorter life line it seems...
only wish i knew better
my words and thoughts contradict each other
i can't seem to identify myself with a definet something
i tend to twist my values and principals towards each given situation
i question if i'm a follower or do i truely have a mind of my own

guilt is a state of mind that can be erased when the memory itself decides to fade away...

i can't help but look not what i want to appear as

sometimes do feel i am physically abnormal.
my face is too big for my body, and my shoulders are as broad as most girls, it's like having a 20 year old face in a 14 year old body. but i demand self acceptance at this stage. i know for a fact i look a bit off normal, my other half is giving this half an 'oh pleaseeee'.

fuck this shit, just give me a pint of hoegarden and let me waste away.
a distant reachable dream ; drive a boat with some pals out to no where and smoke out, but not in sg of course. that is just my visual sense of contentment and peace, emphemeral bliss.

now, time to smoke that cigarette and have a good night rest, the wakes await me tomorrow, i hope i forget everything by then, we change daily, by then i will be a different person reading this.

current music: foo fighters - everlong