i hate to wallow in self pity and indulge in my own sympathy, but is only so evident in my musings and reflections. for a moment i literally wanted to give up spinning records. all that practice has led to no where!! i mean it!!! what the fuck! why is there so much diff from mixing on a deck that is almost at your chest level in a club as opposed to mixing at home at waist level, or have i got all the concepts wrong??? i feel jaded. maybe i should not focus so much on the negative, on a positive note, i am gearing and preparing myself for the next gig, if there is ever one that is. maybe i should just go for a Dj course, what???? i can't beleive what i am saying. Arghhhhh.

after speaking to a couple of music enthusiasts i do feel as if i lack passion, i remember how i used to dig the music with a lot more heart before, before i started to bedroom Dj. i'd appreciate all the many sets on internet radio, how i used to spend 40 bucks on a CD. but my values are changing...