Hate to say this, but I’m starting to feel a tad bit lonely. I’ve lost that companionship with my friends from long ago. Which leaves me feeling restless every time I think about it, lost all the bonds I’ve established with past and present friends? I don’t have any best friends anymore, which I find quite fucked up. Sometimes wish I was still that seemingly misdirected child, always on the receiving end of things, Sand fights, sparring, blind man’s bluff, soccer. The bunch who got bullied by the bigger boys, the ones at the bottom of the food chain, I was one of them. But at that time establishing bonds was a piece of cake. I was never shy to approach anyone or say anything. That’s how I met my current god pa and god sis, one day of playing in the sand when we were kids; I was up at her place eating chapattis and papa dams the next day. Very soon, I had established the closest bond outside my family. And from free thinkers they were then christened to the Catholic Church. There was no better person to be my God Pa for confirmation. I feel like shit because, I don’t have that confidence in me anymore, experiencing the world through a trial and error method, but now I am scared shitless to take the next step. I think NS has broken me somehow, fuck that. I’m just waiting for the next medical board at CMPB so hopefully, I’ll be deemed unfit for reservist.

Okay, I’m gradually coming off booze for a hobby, I just played tennis again today, and the Runner’s high is almost as good as the alcohol high. My arms and legs are aching but I am fucking loving it.