its that time of the month again, my wallet is dry. i've considered a part time job but sigh, i'm thinking of all the school assignments i should dedicate all my time to, is it really too much that i can't handle? or am i that slacker as ever still? think the latter is fuck true. i've just heard the sad news that another one of my relatives has cancer, my family has a long history with this disease, but i know the reality wouldn't hit me till i see this person lying on the hospital bed in pain. perhaps i would only quit the smokes if i see the people who are dying at a hospice, then maybe reality might slap me hard in the face. cant quit the smokes, everything that has been said about not quitting has been introjected into my psyche, i can't help but agree, bring on a pint of hoegarden to calm the emptiness insideeeee.