i realise i should not bother about having a minimum of 4 hours sleep(even if theres camp the next day)i shall not remind myself either.
i shall sleep only when i want
i realise i need constant reality checks -knock knock-
but i need a constant break from so many things, or do i? feels like i'm hanging in the balance, shifting between work and play or is this real or not real? are some things important enough? whatever shapes me, i don't know.
i miss the intensities of watching football, nowadays favourite team lose also dont cry.


i really considered quitting the smokes, but quitting the smokes would mean a different life, different friends, different principals. i'm only so aware of how all the shit fucks you up. i can picture myself a non smoker advising the young not to start, i can't help but feel thats where my heart is, it really bugs me at times.

smoking has brought me many revelations, i think about how i have discovered so many other things. smoking was the stepping stone for all bad things. but only through experience i am the person today. but i still cannot quit...